Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
