OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize