it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
