Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
