I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
