So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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