I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so explain again why im purple
no
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
