Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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