We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
