marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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