things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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