Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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