even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
