Kiss
Puke
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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