I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
