how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
