The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
