I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
