my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
