I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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