It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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