cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
