I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
