I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
