i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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