If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
