No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How's work?
Spinning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
