We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
