I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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