girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
