she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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