Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize