I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
