He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
