We got so high we made milksteak
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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