Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
