Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
