I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
be right there i have to get my cape
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
