That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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