it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
