Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
