Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
