The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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