If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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