tell your sister to shave her snatch
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
