Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
