umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
