When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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