You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
