covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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