That's intense
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
