I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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