Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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