At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the condom got lost in my hair
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
