we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
