would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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