I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
