Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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