C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
