He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
