Say something about gay babies.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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