why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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