The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
