It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His hands were made for my vagina.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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