my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
