bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize