Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
