A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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