You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
