he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
