I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
