We're facebook friends in real life
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
4 words: hood of his car
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize