Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize