I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
