This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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