your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize