I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
