You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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