Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
