It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
