My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
