I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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