that's an acceptable place to lick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
