I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
