Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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