Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize