where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
