I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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