So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My ass is underappreciated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
