Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize