it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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