Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
