Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
