Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
