1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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