Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
