you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
