I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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