No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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