he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
