oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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